Who is your Support System?

With the increasing focus on mental health, terms like "support system" have become more common. A support system is as simple as it sounds, people in your life who support you through the good and the hard times. In discussions, I often hear others mention family members and/or friends and it doesn't extend any further. It is like our brains stop at the word "support". Don't forget the word "system". A system can be a wide network of people so let's talk about who that could be in the phases of pregnancy/delivery/postpartum.

Family

The built in people who are with you through all phases of life. I recognize for some people, family (or at least biological family) is not a support system for them or a part of their life at all. There are so many different family dynamics so whatever you would consider to be your family. The family support could be simple or complex, even for the closest of families. Different generations may believe things should done a certain way. Family members may feel obligated and deserving to see, hold, kiss, and spend time with the baby. It is okay to have boundaries and uphold them throughout your pregnancy, delivery, and postpartum. The boundaries are set up to protect the physical, emotional, and mental well-being of the immediate household and deserves to be respected.

Remember: have the discussions ahead of time if possible and in a delicate manner while still upholding your boundaries.

Spouse or Partner

Arguably, the most important person in this support system is your spouse or partner (my husband was for me). This person is there for all the highs and lows through each season. You can express your dreams of your growing family as well as your worst fears. I fortunately had a good, healthy pregnancy and delivery but began to struggle less than an hour after our daughter was born. I had my first break down in the first 24 hours of her life and I would not have been able to make it through baby blues and postpartum depression without him. To hold me as I cried for weeks, constantly making sure I was eating and hydrating when I wasn't, and being a rock for our family. For me, my husband is my home so he was where I could be my most vulnerable. For some people, that is another person in their life. This person advocates for you and protects the family.

Friends

Your friends can have so many different personalities and come from families who would all handle these phases differently. Friends who want to be involved do so out of love and excitement. Don't hesitate to set boundaries if needed. For the friends that struggle with your pregnancy, it is a season. I promise they are excited for you but also have an overwhelming hurt and desire for that as well. They will come around at their own pace and timing in their healing journey.

Note to friends after your friend has had a baby: don't stop communication with them (unless specifically requested) and allow them to still be a part of at least small moments outside of their household. Yes, having a newborn is something they want to soak in and focus on BUT you still exist and are important to them outside of their newborn bubble. Check in. Drop off food. Offer to help (with cleaning the house or bottles, not just baby). They still need other moments of connection.

OBGYN

The professional who has been through the medical part of your journey. How could they be involved in your mental health? Ask questions that would alleviate anxieties. When you have your 6 week checkup and answer a questionnaire about depression and anxiety, BE HONEST! Your doctor is there to help. You are not crazy, you are human. Call your OBGYN before your 6 week appointment if something doesn't seem right. I did! My doctor went to bat for me when I wasn't treated properly less than 1 week postpartum at the hospital. She hugged me as I cried at my 2 week postpartum appointment that I requested. Never once was I made to feel crazy or that it was my fault. I was reassured that this was just a phase and that I had her support through it.

I told other moms my story of seeing my OBGYN before my 6 week appointment and the overwhelming reaction was "I should have done that but I kept telling myself that it was all normal"... Break that cycle and ask for help when something doesn't seem right or normal.

Therapist/Counselor

This is not a resource that everyone already has but everyone does have access! There is a great benefit in having a 3rd party to work through fears, traumas, anxieties, depression, and so much more with. It could be as simple as needing a space for yourself as a form of self care. There are counselors who specialize in Perinatal Mental Health and have a heart to work with this population. You can often get referrals through your OBGYN or your hospital may have referral sources as well.

You may be able to think of even more within your support system. Even the nurses in and out through their shifts in the hospital or the on-call doctor who ended up delivering your baby is a part of it. The nurses who watched our daughter in the nursery at the hospital so we could get some rest, I will be forever grateful for. Support can be given and received in many different ways. Embrace your support system, accept help, and remind them that you are grateful for them.